Domestic violence and abuse occurs when one person in an intimate personal or family relationship uses violence or abuse to maintain power and control over the other person. In Devon, as in the UK more broadly, we work with the UK Home Office (2021) definition of domestic violence and abuse:
“Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality.”
This includes, but is not limited to, the following types of abuse:
Physical abuse is the most recognisable form of abuse. It can range from a slap or a shove to a black eye, cut lip, broken bone. In the most extreme cases it can result in death. Don’t underestimate what is happening to you. Over time, the violence usually gets worse.
Sexual abuse – your partner should not use force or threats to make you have sex. They should not make you perform sexual acts with which you are uncomfortable.
Emotional abuse can include mental torture, blackmail, threats to disown you or kill your children. It can also be controlling – meaning you are not allowed out of the home on your own, or to make contact with your family or friends or to have access to money or obtain a job of your choice
Financial abuse may include your partner taking your money; stopping you from working; placing all bills and debts in your name; or monitoring how you spend money and other financial resources.
Psychological abuse – leaving a violent partner may not end the abuse and it may get worse. Most stalkers are ex-partners. If your ex-partner is harassing you or others, this should be taken seriously.
Coercive control – a pattern of intimidation, degradation, isolation and control with the use or threat of physical or sexual violence.
If this is happening to you, you are not alone and you are not to blame. You may feel ashamed, scared, isolated, confused, afraid not to be believed or that the violence will get worse if you report it. Do not suffer in silence, as there are people who can help please access the Safer Devon website for more information.